When friends and colleagues are taken away through the silent violence of cancer….

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In these last 10 months I have seen/felt/heard good friends and

devoted colleagues begin to fade away to cancer

it leaves me speechless - thoughtless….

I have no more tears - but the desperate need to hold on to each moment of contact with them - even if it is an email or an image

Depending on where I am placed - in my travels and habit-ation

I am near or far

and find myself constantly (and perhaps selfishly)

wishing only that she will wait at least

until I can see her again

waiting to see what she will teach me and leave me with as she departs

because her departing is so very inevitable

all of philosophy, literature, music, ideology and religion leaves me with

no answers to the questions

all the learning lost

the memories and stories they tell

lost

I constantly reach for recording machines - trying to capture everything I can

knowing that we live from moment to moment and I may never be

able to learn from them again…

But for now the only way I have of being with her is to edit, revise and re-member

the article

preparing to present it - remember her voice - hoping she will wait to hear the feedback and tell me where to go next…

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